We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
