Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
