I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
