so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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