I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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