When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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