I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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