Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
