dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
