This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
