I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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