i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
