so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
