My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
