Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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