i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
