If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
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