would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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