and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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