you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
