His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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