Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
