Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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