We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Send help, water and tortillas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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