rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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