Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
