Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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