so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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