okay pat passed out under dana's car
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
