Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
