I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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