So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
