Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
