drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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