with your own penis?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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