she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
