i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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