Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
