just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?