So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize