I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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