I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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