____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
