That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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