You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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