Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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