dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
