i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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