Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
