You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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