Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
