Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my phone needs a breathalizer
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
