He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
