I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
