I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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