theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize