I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
