If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
