It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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