8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
