I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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