Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
