she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it hurts more in the daytime
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize