dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
