I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
