Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
