I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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