Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
