In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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