I should be sponsored by Trojan
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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