a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
