why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
