I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
