does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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