so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
