I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
