She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
