i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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